Sunday, 19 January 2014

Spying on humanoids

Disclaimer:if you are a civilian, with a boring life and a monotonous job, do not read this. Go back to your boring life.if you are anything but a government agent, spy,special task forces, CIA, or MIB, STOP READING THIS RIGHT NOW!!This is classified, top secret, authorized personnel only.
Okay, I warned you.

  There's a secret state in India where we breed engineers. That's right. A whole state, not just one farm, a whole state, with hundreds of colleges, and thousands of students in each college, excuse that, what I meant was humanoids, thousands of humanoids, not students.and each year, they graduate, go out and infiltrate offices, companies, crowds, corporations, populations, hell! small countries.and humanoid engineer breeding has been proved to be a lucrative business. Not that the humanoids are particularly smart, about 83% of these machines don't even meet basic standards on the mission's recruitment protocol.translation: they aren't employable.out of the employable few, a whooping 75% aren't job ready, and India's bazillion dollar outsourcing industry spends 1billon dollars a year, training these dweebs, post graduations from college for their jobs. you'd think they'd be more victorious,the humanoids I mean, Mais non. Its a numbers game. I'm not even making that up. This article is definitely of the non fiction genre. All this stuff, is accounted for and authorised as imaginative retelling of truths.i googled the stats.these are cold hard facts.getting back to my original point, many have made small fortunes, oh who am i kidding?! college is expensive, HUGE fortunes in the engineering factory business. its practically a gold rush. Illiterate Politicians, uneducated real estate agents, even thugs, own technical educational institutions,oh excuse me, sorry excuses for technology schools and engineering colleges is what I meant.well, initially I'd assumed, the pandemic of engineering studies was really just this endemic confined to my state, turns out i was wrong, so the secret state part was untrue, and simply a result of my overactive imagination. I have a weakness for conspiracy theories. so sue me. Apparently a lot of other states have picked up on the trade. 
  According to an estimate in 2006-07, there were 1511 colleges all over India, the figures have doubled,maybe even tripled since then. Now I'll let that sink in, while i do the math very very patiently on a calculator app. because in all honesty i suck at math. I'm telling you, these colleges sprouted up like mushrooms, or pesky weeds.
     Also according to multiple estimates, the stats show that, India alone trains about 1.5million engineers, which is more than china and the US combined, ha! Take that!! 
    Now, I realise that I may have sounded a little prejudiced.But seriously, I have nothing against these colleges, or these kids, really.
BIGGEST PLOT TWIST EVER: I'm one of these kids. Before you go ahead and call me the worlds biggest hypocrite,you should know, I'm not an original humanoid, like with a model and a make, not exactly, more like an undercover agent. If a blogger-spy infiltrating thousands of humanoids, training in an engineering and technology school owned by an uneducated ex-real estate developer, that's run by a bald thug, doesn't sound like the beginning of a bad joke and a great story, I don't know what does. It's perfect fertile ground for great blog posts.

     So, a lot of things lead to me winding up here as a spy, sort of, and a lot of totally whacko stuff happens out here, that you guys should know about. Sure it gets depressing, and lonely and sometimes even has me contemplating a fugitive life, but lets face it, I'm smart, if I really decided that somebody ought to do the world a favour and disappear, their imminent and certain death would obviously be ACCIDENTAL, if you know what I mean. 
 It is my strongest belief that if you can add some dark humour, sarcasm, and quick wit into a tale of tragedy, and laugh at your own bad luck, you'll survive, and at the end of the day, you'll have created a hilarious anecdote for the blog too. And there's a certain amazing feeling that you get when you make somebody else's day, hour or even minute. :)

Side note:
Did anyone else think Bella from the twilight series was a sarcastic, sassy sport who grabbed life by the short hairs, and kept pushing through, on reading the books, only to realise that every time you thought she was being sarcastic and awesome in the books, she was not, she was just really depressed?? is it just me or were the movies actually a zombie version of a vampire story?? so what I'm doing here is reverse kristen stewartism, i take tragic life story's and make them hilarious, because I'm awesome.

  Anyway, you can expect a lot of these anecdotes, and tales from the college, because, I have pulled the shortest of short straws, and I'm stuck here for 4 whole years, and I have a feeling that this movie is just know the types. The films that start with the protagonist down in the dumps, and just when you think her life can't possibly get worse, it does, and she hits rock bottom. And then the only thing left to do is go back up? Yeah, I'm already on the downward spiral. So among other random things, expect not so typical stories from my really tamed(as in not wild) lame college life.
So, yes, I have regrets, but I also have some pretty amusing, wait for it... ;)

ps: leave your thoughts in the comments below. :) 

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